The Cure For The Pain.

Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do 

It would be a lie to run away 

My decision has been made ... I`m not leaving any more.  Mistake maybe, Regret no!

I have fallen for something far more important and something that i just couldn't leave.  i tried .. believe me i tried but in the end i couldn't bring myself to run away.

The day after I chose to stay i decided i would buy a screen printing carousel and other stuff to start screen printing .. I`ve always wanted to screen print.  Its always seemed really cool to me. I also applied for my provisional driving license .. this might not seem like something big but if you knew me you would know that it is ...   I enjoy not being able to drive but it still nags at me that i cant .. i hate something holding me back so i decided that it wont hold me back i and im just going to do it for the sake of doing it?  That seems stupid I know .. its me and my shiddy pride .. its gotten me in trouble in the past and im sure its gonna get me in some shit in the future.

I am in love .. more on that as it progresses .. or not, im not sure at the moment .... hmmm.

but for now, here's a song.

joe x

The Girl.

I am in soo deep.

I have always been there ... waiting?

no.  wishing.

I did not get my chance, I am clutching onto straws.

It`s end of days ... New days are on the horizon, how it pans out i do not know, I only wish to be yours .. to provide and give you the world.

i do not ask nor will i take ... just know that you have my heart.

joe x

GAAAAY :/

Sarah Minor

So i got the news 2 days ago that i have been accepted into new zealand .....


yes,  I was accepted,  I did it.

but today ... oh today.   Just today,  everything has happened.

from my best friend finding out he was going to be a dad and moving out to out whole wolf pack finding love ...

Things seem weird today and I don't know why, but I gave myself this weekend to make the decision of a lifetime.  I know what I want but I don't think that i will be able to get it.

hmmmm ... my minds all over the place

Joe x

Nests

I have soo many ideas flowing through my head,  All kinds of ideas from volunteering in other countries with kids which i really really want to do,  i feel like my life isn't long enough for me to do everything i want to do.  I want to do more backpacking, I want to be in love, I want to settle, I don't want to settle.

I have big big big dreams but i also need someone to live them with ... I am a problem solver but i don't have anyone problems to solve, thus rendering me useless to a fashion.  hmmmm

This new zealand move is looking and feeling less and less certain by the day .. I have almost given up and accepted defeat, which is not at all like me, i don't understand the words give up .. but its starting to feel like the better option.

My reasons for moving in the first place have now changed, my feelings to words certain things have changed ... but change isn't always bad. why cant I destroy the system and do something completely different and something expected?  no? that's not what I mean at all ... hmmm,  I`ll get back to you on that one.

Ive also been thinking about an offer i was made a little while ago to tour America playing drums. Isn't that what I've always wanted to do?  I feel like it is, why don't i know this.   I'm very very shit at making decisions lately.

Enough about this.

valentines day is coming up soon .. I'm not sure how i feel about this.  I kind of wanted to do something big but it appears i have no one.  very very depressing.

Oh mama she broke my head ...   its been 9 years and it does not end ... Oh mama i cannot cry ... mama she`s with another guy,  mama shes with another guy.

Last few days have been ... good to say the least.

Joe,

oh mama thers no one else ... I loved her more than i love myself.

Oliver Dalton Browning.

I woke up this morning .... happy but knowing that the feeling only had only an hour until i had to say goodbye to it.  

It made me feel like Ollie.  you may not know what I am referring to.   Some of the most powerful lyrics come in the smallest of songs.

He was a captain of industry
He was a captain of the sea, oh.
He was a gentle man,
with cracks and lines across his hands, oh.



She was engaged to be a bride
With eyes so true, he could have cried, oh.
She watched him cry on his knees
"Dear Ollie, please let me be", oh



"Ollie," she said,
"Leave me be"

She left him, he left everything.

I am Ollie .. 

listen watch and love this.

Joe x

Everything you ever wanted to know about silence

This week has had many ups and downs ... im not quite sure where my head is and its shiddy.

Im back to the same problem that ive had since i was 14 .. im so sick of it and i dont want it any more.


heres a song.

I`m not who I used to be.

I am miserable ...

I want to go back to being the youthful boy who turned your way and saw something he was not looking for.

but now he lives inside, someone he does not recognise.

I remember days when all we did was talk about travelling the world and building forts and sneaking across country ...

I am lonely ...

Joe x

Poke

Wow, 2 entries in 3 days, this must be some sort of record for me!!

I had some more to my tattoo, I'm soo stoked with it, i almost have my whole forearm done now, I will put some pictures up soon i promise.


I am excited for leaving and the small things happen and it makes me question everything I'm doing ... but enough about that for one day. yes.

Today me and a few friends are going to Smokey's (I love that place) and we are going to order this !!!

Apart from HUGE ASS FOOD they do some really good meals.... soo damn tasty.
All will be accompanied by some rather fine whiskey !!!

Talking of whiskey!!!  i cant help but shout whiskey!! in the same way as Matt berry ... i do really like Matt berry - I digress but here's some Matt berry for you !!!

If you have never seen snuff box, you should check it out ... i cant stand rich fulcher but every Matt berry scene is amazing!

Anyway, Ill leave you with a song by  Frightened Rabbit today, its called Poke.

I relate a lot to this song these days.

Enjoy 

Let Her Go ...

Hey,

Things are getting awful real .... chances are this time next month ill be living in the southern hemisphere so far away,  I`m starting to have a few doubts but for all the wrong reasons and im even trying to sort out a backup plan if I don't get my visa or if (god forbid) i actually back out.

Its very very cold these days, and there's snow outside ... possibly my favourite weather conditions. Especially with my choices of music,  listening to William fitzsimmons or velveteen really makes this weather all the better.

I'm starting to find reasons to stay .... which is weird for me because I don't find myself getting attached to many things/people.

since i've had my tattoo and glasses there have been several people tell me that im `hot`  .... I don't like this,  im not used to this and I don't  believe this.  it makes me feel uncomfortable because i have always seen myself as a very ugly person and yet its something i've always wanted to hear so im not sure how to think yet, ill get back to you on that.

okay, onto real things.


I got a sleeve tattoo!!!!   I'm soo happy with it.  i would put pictures up but i want more done yet,  im booked in for tomorrow for a few hours,  exciting!

If you're into good literature then you should have a read of this

Lost, mad and drunk with awe

Its a blog by my favourite singer/English professor Keith Buckley, a very clever man.

and if you're into quirky new Zealand people have a look through this

The flying tortoise

Its a very entertaining blog by a kiwi,  it includes a lot of gypsy homes fun facts and  general good reading.


ill leave you with 1 song today in which the words mean a lot to me.

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fastWell you see her when you fall asleepBut never to touch and never to keep'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go