Nests

I have soo many ideas flowing through my head,  All kinds of ideas from volunteering in other countries with kids which i really really want to do,  i feel like my life isn't long enough for me to do everything i want to do.  I want to do more backpacking, I want to be in love, I want to settle, I don't want to settle.

I have big big big dreams but i also need someone to live them with ... I am a problem solver but i don't have anyone problems to solve, thus rendering me useless to a fashion.  hmmmm

This new zealand move is looking and feeling less and less certain by the day .. I have almost given up and accepted defeat, which is not at all like me, i don't understand the words give up .. but its starting to feel like the better option.

My reasons for moving in the first place have now changed, my feelings to words certain things have changed ... but change isn't always bad. why cant I destroy the system and do something completely different and something expected?  no? that's not what I mean at all ... hmmm,  I`ll get back to you on that one.

Ive also been thinking about an offer i was made a little while ago to tour America playing drums. Isn't that what I've always wanted to do?  I feel like it is, why don't i know this.   I'm very very shit at making decisions lately.

Enough about this.

valentines day is coming up soon .. I'm not sure how i feel about this.  I kind of wanted to do something big but it appears i have no one.  very very depressing.

Oh mama she broke my head ...   its been 9 years and it does not end ... Oh mama i cannot cry ... mama she`s with another guy,  mama shes with another guy.

Last few days have been ... good to say the least.

Joe,

oh mama thers no one else ... I loved her more than i love myself.